Friday Fictioneers – Josephine

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Copyright – Claire Fuller

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And it came to pass that the mother of Josephine didst die, yea, she perished on the sofa whilst watching television, and Josephine, being a righteous woman, did labour to prepare the funeral, and didst mourn for her mother.

Josephine, being much afflicted with grief, did seek comfort and solace from her sisters, but they were unbelieving harlots, yea, exceedingly sinful were they, and they caused Josephine’s heart to harden against the Lord.

And the Lord didst curse Josephine and her sisters, that they would be burdened with junk mail, and with bad skin, and behold, Josephine saw these things, and knew she had sinned, and did sorrowfully repent unto the Lord.

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64 thoughts on “Friday Fictioneers – Josephine

  1. lol so that is the cause of bad skin… could be… my skin got a lot nicer when i stopped drinking (and being a harlot) kidding. ^^ very entertaining, loved the language ^^

  2. My first reaction: WTF? My second reaction: WTF? Then I looked at it again and I saw the satire. Not the expected take on the photo, which is a good thing (yea, verily).

  3. Thou didst succeed superbly, darling! Lest thou thinkest that the word darling is not Old Testament enough, I believe thou wilt find it somewhere in the Songs of Solomon, though I wouldn’t-est bet on it.

    I loved how the “old language” elevated the mundane passing of the mother on the couch in front of the television into something of a religious event. Well done.

    • We weren’t allowed to study the Songs of Solomon in seminary, apparently they were mistranslated or not divinely inspired or something like that, so I’ll take your word for it! 😀

  4. I enjoyed the language you used here and the ideas in this flash. I see now how deeply your life has been steeped in a church education and how you may have conceived these ideas. A crazy read, definitely different! Well done. (Just watch out for thunderbolts now for a while!)

  5. Ah! I love blasphemy almost as much as I love a life of ‘sin’. You’ve made an excellent job of it, as usual.

    • It’s interesting you should say that, during my last year of seminary, the teacher would write down anything stupid/funny we said and stick it on the wall and tag it as Book of Lauren 1:1 etc. My favourite was, “Didn’t Florence Nightingale sing at Gordon B. Hinkley’s funeral?” Bearing in mind Hinkley died around six years ago, I think not…

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