Friday Fictioneers – Some Culture For You

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Copyright – Randy Mazie

Can’t believe it’s time for another round of Friday Fictioneers! If you’d like to read the other stories or read the FF rules, click here.

EDIT: The extended version of this piece can be found here.

I stand in the dark, with only the smell of urine to keep me company. I’m a trespasser, not just to this abandoned building, but to this country which you seem to have claimed for yourself. Every odd little custom and saying reminds me of the weeks in which we first met, where my looks of amusement would prompt explanations from you. “That’s just something we say where I’m from.”

I’m now in the place where you are from, in the very building you said you lived in.

“You fucking bastard.” I breathe.

That’s something we say where I’m from.


47 thoughts on “Friday Fictioneers – Some Culture For You

  1. Very good – I loved the twist.
    I read this as a woman falling for a real chancer and deciding to visit him at his “home” – in another country, no less! I’m guessing he felt the need to keep his holiday romance just that, and scattered liberally with lies.
    Huh, men!

  2. Sounds like he lied and she’s found him out. I didn’t feel like she confronted him, though, but rather that he left and she found out about his lies when she went to this place he said he lived. You really wrapped it up with your last two lines and tied it all together.


  3. Pingback: No Trees Passing – Friday Fictioneers | Being the Memoirs of Helena Hann-Basquiat, Dilettante.

  4. This piece blew me away, darling. This is, in my never-so-humble opinion, the best thing I’ve read of yours. Intentional or not, this piece has multiple readings — literally, the story of an abductee/prisoner — but it can also be a metaphor for entrapment of other kinds. Brilliant, darling. Simply brilliant.

    • I really respect your opinion, so this means a lot to me. I have to be honest and say I didn’t picture my protagonist as a prisoner. However, I did really want the reader to ask themselves why he lied, and why she would be so devastated about it that she would stand in a horrible, dirty, abandoned building to prove to herself that he wasn’t there. I haven’t thought the whole thing through, but I saw them more as colleagues than lovers.

      • The more I read it (and I read it over a dozen times!) I realized that my first reading led me a bit astray — that perhaps your protagonist isn’t a prisoner or an abductee, (not literally, anyway — but mentally??) but rather someone who’s just been led astray. I maintain that either way it’s brilliant, and that the layers to this story are amazing!

      • I saw that in a kind of Bluebeard way — that she was seeing things she wasn’t supposed to. That this person had lied to her and hid the truth from her — the dumpy, dingy atmosphere you describe, with the urine smell and decay — sounded to me like a dangerous place — the kind of place that a person with secrets would want to hide.

      • Also – I think that I *incorrectly* made the assumption that she’d been put there, rather than found her way there herself. Take away that false assumption and it does change the piece significantly.

      • Weirdly enough, when I began writing this, she was the one who was hiding. That’s the problem with flash fiction, the story changes not only as you write, but as you mull it over afterwards. 🙂

      • I’d love to see what you could do with this even within 1000 word context. Maybe clarify some of these things, explore the other ideas you had.

      • Please do… this story really caught my interest (hell, I’m writing back story in my head — I think that’s what makes it so great — it really got me thinking of scenarios and possibilities and interpretations…)

  5. Pingback: Some Culture For You – Extended | To Be A Magician

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