Friday Fictioneers – A Different Kind of Fame

Claire Fuller (7)

Copyright – Clare Fuller

This post is for Friday Fictioneers, run by Rochelle Wisoff-Fields. Please click here to read the instructions and find other entries.

I sit and watch as the swollen figure sobs, tears dripping down bloated cheeks, and I wonder where my compassion disappeared to over the years.

“Even my name, “ Michelin Man gasps, “Is an insult!”

I think I became aware of its gradual erosion after my 43rd session with Ronald, yet again ending with hysterics and yowls of, “Nobody knows who I am behind the face paint!”

More recently, Mr Muscle sought out my help. “Have you seen the new Aquafresh guy? He’s totally ripping me off…” He’s blasé, but underneath, he’s furious.

These mascots, they need more than therapy.

Friday Fictioneers – The Walk Of Shame

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Copyright – Renee Heath

Zebra knows a little something about shame. This morning, she was home alone and so she had a bit of an iPod rave in the kitchen. (Because there is no better way of waking up and getting the blood pumping etc.) And then she turned around the see the landlord and a builder peering at her through the kitchen door. #ForShame

To find out more about Friday Fictioneers, click here.

Kirsty’s favourite kind of party was a fancy-dress party. She loved visiting costume shops and viewing the myriad of colours and possibilities. The ballerina outfit was the best she’d ever found, and she’d waited for the perfect occasion to wear it.

It had been such a success, her friends sighed with envy and when she caught his eye from across the room, it was like all those songs she heard on the radio. Their glances lingered like cigarette smoke, blurred by vodka shots. There’d been suggestion, then action.

Walking home in the morning was far less romantic.

The Library Book

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So, I’m wanting work on a project that’s a little different from my normal work. I’m taking a bit of a break from To Be A Pawn and I really wanted to get away from the fantasy genre. However, with the current mood I’ve been in, it’s sometimes difficult to come up with ideas that don’t simply reflect how I feel right now.

I was reading a book that I got from the library yesterday, called Then We Came To The End, by Joshua Ferris. It’s quite unusual, and well written, but there isn’t really an overarching plot that I can see yet and so I’m finding it hard to get into. Anyway, I looked at the front of the book, where all the return dates were stamped.

It made me wonder who all these people were, the ones who had taken out this particular book before me? Where had this book been, what had it seen?

And, I’ll never know who these people were, but I guess it’s fun to imagine.

So, over the next few weeks, I’ll be posting a short story for each date stamped in the book. I’m really looking forward to this project, and I hope you’ll stick around to see me complete it. 😀

Links to all the stories can be found in the comments below.

Friday Fictioneers – Jake, what happened to my bike?

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Copyright – anelephantcant

If you want to know more about Friday Fictioneers, click here.

This week, we have more adventures from our friends Jake and Alex, who you may recognize from my earlier piece ‘Friends Don’t Let Friends Sleep In Phone Boxes.’ It seems Jake has not learned anything from his last night out.

Jake stumbled down the unfamiliar street. He’d taken a wrong turn somewhere, but her house must be nearby. She would surely be impressed that he’d cycled all this way to see her. Jake paused. Where had he put Alex’s bike? He spun around. He’d only dismounted thirty seconds ago… or had it been ten minutes? Dizzy, Jake staggered to the edge of the pavement and leaned against a railing. It turned out the railing had only existed in his head, and he found himself tumbling down an embankment.

The next morning, Jake awoke on a bed of dirt and twigs, hung over and very confused.

Part Time Work

Photo Prompt from Alastair’s Photo Fiction Blog.

 

The town of Farnbury was small, quiet and an inconvenient place to live if you wanted a part-time job. Fortunately, Liam’s uncle had convinced the manager of the nearby mining museum, an old friend of his, to take Liam on as a cleaner.

Liam, grateful for the opportunity, enthusiastically went about his work. He dusted, polished and mopped the floors without complaint. Towards the end of his shift, he came upon a room with a low beam attached to a complicated looking system that contained some large wooden cogs. The cogs looked awfully dusty. Without even thinking about it, Liam grabbed one of his cloths and started wiping away all the accumulated dirt.

An ominous creak came from the largest cog, and it suddenly tipped on its side, causing the beam to snap in two. There was a seemingly endless series of crashes as both cogs and fragments of the beam tumbled to the floor.

 “…Dammit!”

Friday Fictioneers – Friends don’t let friends sleep in phone boxes.

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Copyright – Danny Bowman

All I seem to be able to write about is Break Ups and Romance Gone Wrong lately… If you want to join in and do a Friday Fictioneers piece yourself, look here.

 

Jake woke up on a friend’s couch, his stomach feeling as ropey as the musty blanket he was tangled in. Each twitch brought on the sensation of a blunt knife being forced through his temple. Vague memories flashed through his inner eye.

“Jake, you need to get up.” Alex had said, last night, when Jake was curled up in the bottom of the urine scented phone box.

“What’s the point?” Jake had drunkenly wailed. “She dumped me and now she’s with that tosser!”

“Mate, seriously, let’s get you home.”

Jake couldn’t remember how Alex had got him out of the phone box, but he probably owed Alex big time.

Emo Link

“Link! Wake up!”

Link’s eyelids were sticky with yesterday’s eyeliner, but he could just about make out the blurry white light that was Navi.  He screwed his eyes shut and pulled the thin blanket over his head.

“Fuck off, Navi.”

The sun hadn’t even risen yet.

“Link! You need to get up! What about Zelda?”

“She’ll be fine for another few hours, I’m sure.” Link’s voice was muffled by the blanket.

“But Gannondorf has her held hostage in his castle…”

“Exactly, she’s a hostage, he’s not going to kill her anytime soon is he? That would defeat the point of having a hostage!” Link emerged from under his bedding and then turned onto his other side.

“That’s not the point!” Navi exclaimed angrily. She started bouncing against the back of Link’s head.

“Oh, for fuck’s sake!”

Link sat up and glared at Navi with his kohl smeared eyes before getting out of bed. He pulled on his green tunic, muttering curse words under his breath.

“Do you not have anything else to wear?” asked Navi, sceptically. “You’ve worn that tunic for the past three days. Doesn’t it need washing?”

“No. If I had something else I wouldn’t be wearing something so… green. I mean, couldn’t the Kokiri have a better colour?”

“They are a forest people, what colour do you expect them to wear? Black?”

“There’s nothing wrong with black!” Link said.

“I suppose it wouldn’t show the dirt as much.” Navi said, disdainfully looking at all muck and blood on Link’s tunic.

After Link had taken a revitalizing swig of Relentless, they exited his tree house.  The Kokiri avoided his surly gaze as he sauntered towards the path to Hyrule Castle.

Halfway across Hyrule field, Link’s stomach grumbled.

“Why is there no place decent you can eat around here?” he moaned.

“Well, we can go to the ranch and get some milk. Or there’s that kid selling beans by Zora’s river…” suggested Navi.

“I don’t want shitty magic beans. Or milk. You’d think there’d be a pub or something around here.”

Link sulked all the way to Hyrule Market, where they finally picked up some more Relentless and packet of crisps.

“You’re going to try and defeat Gannondorf on some Relentless and a packet of crisps?” Navi asked, her shrill, annoying voice full of doubt. “What about the Lon Lon milk you were given?”

“I’m lactose intolerant. Spent all that time chasing his bloody chickens, and I got milk I can’t even drink. He wouldn’t give me my money back, even when I reminded him that I saved his ass at Hyrule Castle, the ungrateful git.”

Tired, and in a foul mood, Link reached Ganondorf’s castle, but there was no bridge to get to the front door over the pool of lava.

“Well, I suppose that’s the end of that.” Link started to turn around.

“Use the Sages’ power.” commanded Navi.

“Why can’t the Sages do all this stuff themselves? I mean, they actually have like, magical powers and stuff, why I am doing all their dirty work for them?”

“Just because!”

“Zelda’s got magic, why do I even have to rescue her?!”

“You have the Master Sword, the only thing that can defeat-“ started Navi.

“I only have the Master Sword because Zelda-“

“-Just shut up and call the sages!”

They called the Sages and a bridge made of colourful light appeared in front of them

“Ooooh, pretty!” said Navi.

“Vom.” Link rolled his eyes and stomped across the bridge.

Once they finally reached the top of the castle, Link and Gannondorf faced off in an epic battle. Link was just about to give the final blow with his master sword, when he suddenly stopped.

“Woah, dude, where do you get those boots? They’re dope.”

Gannondorf looked down at his footwear and then looked up at Link.

“Trade you the boots for your Triforce piece.”

Link considered this.

“Done.”